


Lady of the North Star

by inheritanceofgeek, SUNicorn (Strider_Sis)



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Drabble, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 13:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4480118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inheritanceofgeek/pseuds/inheritanceofgeek, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strider_Sis/pseuds/SUNicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tauriel is a Returner who's been strong armed into helping out during Freshers' Week. One night at the Union, a student in fishnet tights, high heels and a corset asks her to help them back home. Hilarity ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lady of the North Star

**Author's Note:**

> Inheritanceofgeek:
> 
> Hello All! So, some of you may remember that I said I would be unable to upload anything whilst I was away in Canada, well, it turns out that my Cousin, whom I'd never met before now, is just as much a shipper trash fangirl as I am! Must be in the genes. I blame the parents. 
> 
> Anyway, we were talking about my own Freshers, and how I once came home to find two burly men in corsets and high heels in my hallway for no apparent reason who I then proceeded to talk to about their RAF Scholarships and such things. This naturally lead to talks about AUs and Shipping and lo and behold this was born.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy =)
> 
> Strider_Sis:
> 
> Hey all! I'm the Canadian Cousin. Nice to meet you, I guess? Geek and I started chatting about fandoms and shipping since we met last Tuesday and it just. Hasn't stopped. It's wonderful. Anyway, talking about Geek's experience with Fresher Week led to talking about AUs, which led to us opening Word on my laptop as we giggled. At one point during writing this my Aunt (Geek's mum), came to tell us to be quieter because people were trying to sleep. I'm not really sorry. I probably should be. But I'm not.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy our head-cannon filled, crack-y drabble. It's just this side of ridiculous and already near and dear to my heart as One of the Fun Things I Did With My Cousin. I hope you grow to love it just as much. Cheers!

Tauriel was only doing this because Legolas had dragged her into it, and her Foster Father had told her, quite explicitly, that if she did not she could kiss his financial aid goodbye. Something about serving communities and following in the family footsteps of countless other Mirkwoods at Arda University. Thus she found herself, bored out of her skull, wearing a neon pink T-Shirt declaring her, in large friendly letters, to be very much Sober. What a way to spend freshers week.

 

Legolas was in the same boat, however he seemed to really be embracing the stereotypical “Fuck A Fresher Week” mantra. She’d talk to him about appropriate behaviour and concent, but the hairy, short and ginger student in question seemed to be very much giving his consent in a loud, enthusiastic and Scottish way.

 

Tauriel leant back against the wall, allowing the dance music to wash over her, trying to ignore the throbbing headache she was getting from the deep base of the club.

 

“My dear fair maiden! My shining knight in fluorescent pink armour!” cried a voice from beside her.

 

Tauriel turned around and looked to see who was talking to her, and saw no one. She then looked down. And further down. Fuck this guy was short! Even in the surprisingly sturdy 3 inch heels he was tottering around in, he barely came to her shoulder. The Freshers really did get shorter every year. On the other hand, the boy did seem to have a good sense of fashion.  The fish net tights did wonders for his legs, and the corset perfectly matched the colour of his shoes. Tauriel also admired how much it showed off his muscular arms. _I wonder if he does archery as well,_ Tauriel mused to herself, before snapping back into the role of Responsible Returner.

 

“Can I help you?” she asked, plastering a smile across her face.

 

“My fair lady!” he said again, swaying slightly where he stood “I am in need of your aid!”

 

“Have you lost someone perhaps?” she asked, looking around to spot if any of the other Halls had come in fancy dress. Alas, she didn’t spot anyone else in similar garb. Perhaps this was just how he always dressed? Was he even a he? She’d had training on this, personal pronouns were not to be assumed, after all. Still.

 

“Alas no, but also yes. My brother has abandoned me to my fate! He has run off with a poor lass who he has gravely deceived into thinking that he is attractive and a gentlemen; in fact he is nothing more than a Cad with a stupid hipster moustache!”

 

“And you want me to do what about this?”

 

“Nothing can be done for her now.” He sighed dramatically, leaning against the wall beside her and readjusting his corset. “She has made her own mistakes and must learn from them.”

 

“Then what did you need help with? Do I need to go rescue her?”

 

“No! It is a consensual mistake. Though a mistake it remains, Sigrid will learn come morning when she has to wake up next to that stupid hipster moustache. Did I mention how stupid it is? Like really, really, REALLY stupid,” said the student, gesticulating dramatically.

 

“So other than this horrendous hipster moustache of your brothers-“

 

“Stupid moustache.” He corrected pointing at her

 

“Stupid moustache.” She smiled fondly. “What do you actually need me to do for you?”

 

“My sweet guiding star, I seem to have lost my way and cannot return home without your aid, for I have very much forgotten the long way home.”   

 

“You need me to help you back to your Halls then.” She chuckled, “You should have said so earlier, you were making me worried about this poor girl and your brother.”

 

“You should be. Did I mention how stupid his moustache is?”

 

“Several times.”.

 

“Good because it’s really stupid.” He nodded wisely.

 

“I’m sure it is. What Hall are you from?  I can walk you back if you like.”

 

“Erebor! Though I do not know the way…”

 

“Don’t worry, I know where that one is.  Come on, let’s get a move on.”

 

“Ah! My fair knight is as wise as she is beautiful!”  He tried to bow but ended up stumbling forward into her arms.  “Whoops!” he cried as he clung to her in an attempt to steady himself “My apologies! I am as bad as my Stupid Hipster Moustache of a brother!”

 

“I’m sure you’re not.” She smiled kindly, starting to steer him towards the doors leading back outside.

 

“Excellent!” he declared as they entered into the cold night air “Now is it left or right?” he asked, pointing in the opposite direction as he named them.

 

“This way,” said Tauriel, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to brace him and leading him in the direction of the Halls.

 

“Excellent.” He beamed and allowed himself to be lead along the path back up to Erebor Hall.

 

“So, my Guiding North Star,” he began “What brings you here to Arda University? Why do you wear such a violent shade of pink?”

 

“Well,” she began, thinking things through. “I’m a Returner, and I said I would help out at the Freshers’ Events because, you know, I was helped out by Returners so I should return the favour I guess?”

 

“Wise. Kind. Good.” He nodded sagely “You, are a keeper.”  He paused for a second before a look of abject terror took over his face as he scrambled to correct himself.  “Not that anyone could keep you!  Mum. Mum, mum, mum would not be happy about me saying that.  Women should not be kept.  Women are free to make their own decisions and I.  I am not going to stop you, even if you are beautiful, and strong, and powerful, and kind, and… and.  Stuff?”

 

Tauriel allowed herself to succumb to a wave of giggles as he gazed sheepishly up at her through long, brown eyelashes.

 

“Sorry,” he muttered.

 

“It’s quite, alright,” she assured. “I thought it was very sweet of you, and your mother has clearly taught you well.  Come on, we’re almost there.”

 

“Ah, yes.  Of course.  In fact think I recall this place!”

 

“Do you?” she asked sceptically.

 

“No,” he admitted immediately. “But it is nice to pretend sometimes.”

 

“I suppose it is,” she responded good-naturedly.  “Even I have trouble admitting it when I get lost.”

 

“Impossible!” he cried, “For one as wise and knowledgeable as you could never be lost!”

 

“I think perhaps you hold me in too high a regard.”

 

“Impossible,” he muttered, before gazing up at her as realization dawned upon his face and he crowed in triumph; “For not all those who are lost wander!”  The look of pride remained for a moment before his brows furrowed in confusion.  “Wait. Did I get that wrong? Never mind, not important. The point is you ever being lost is inconceivable.”

 

They were approaching his Hall doors now, the stone tower block standing above all else. 

 

“We’re almost there. What’s your number?” Tauriel prompted. 

 

“077-63—No, no, sorry, you meant door number,” he groaned into her shoulder.  He may have been blushing, but it was impossible to be sure. “Floor nine, room three.”

 

They’d arrived at the doors to the building.  “Alright, got your ID card to get in?” she asked.  Looking at him more closely, his lack of pockets was disturbing. As amusing as he was, she didn’t want to have to drag him all the way back to the Union.

 

A moment of panic reigned as he patted at his torso.  “It should be here,” he muttered pathetically before reaching into his corset and groping around. Tauriel bit her lip in an effort to stifle her laughter.

 

“Aha!” he cried triumphantly, holding the card aloft. 

 

“Good job,” she congratulated, taking it from him to scan as he basked in the praise. 

 

The door clicked open, and she propped it open as he stumbled through.  She followed him into the reception where the aged security guard didn’t even bother looking up.

 

“You said floor nine, correct?” she asked, praying silently that the lift was working and hadn’t yet fallen prey to any Fresher’s pranks.

 

“Yup,” he said, staggering towards the lift.  “I can make it from here though,” he assured.  Tauriel was not convinced.  He hadn’t even taken his ID back from her yet.

 

“I’ll go with you anyway,” she replied determinedly.  “I’ve come with you this far, I might as well go the rest of the way.”  He turned to beam over his shoulder at her.

 

“My North Star is so loyal,” he fawned. 

 

“Right,” she chuckled, pressing the call button for the lift.  He leaned against the wall as she stood before the lift doors, waiting patiently. At the cheery ding sounding its arrival, she sprung to attention.  That was the sound either of their salvation or their doom.

 

The doors opened to an unscathed lift just as two freshers even smaller than the one she was accompanying, joined them in the reception, rushing forward and waving frantically for her to hold the lift.  She pressed a finger to the door open button until the pair joined them, and as the doors closed one of the two burst out laughing, nearly falling over.  The other stood over him looking rather offended.

 

“I wasn’t joking,” he muttered, oblivious to their audience. 

 

“Neither was I Sam, but YOUR FACE.”

 

“But, Frodo-” Sam was cut off by his companion, whose face was completely composed now.

 

“In all seriousness Sam, I couldn’t have made it this far without you.”

 

“Well I couldn’t very well abandon you.  ‘Don’t you leave him Samwise,’ he said.  And I don’t mean to.  I don’t mean to.”

 

Well wasn’t this touching. They’d pressed the button for the seventh floor, and were soon departing with Sam objecting that he could have carried Frodo the whole way and wasn’t he pushing himself? The doors chimed shut and Tauriel and her companion exchanged a **look.**

“Please tell me I’m not as bad as that,” he begged. 

 

“Not nearly,” she assured as she placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.  “Not even close.”

 

He heaved a sigh of relief. The doors opened a final time as they arrived at the ninth floor.  She followed him out and checked the door numbers as they walked down the hall to make sure they were headed in the right direction.  He’d sobered up enough to remember the way to his room from the lift apparently.  He slumped against the wall next to his door.

 

“Thank you for your ever-patient assistance, but I will be fine should you leave now,” he said.

 

“Really?” she asked.

 

“Really,” he assured.

 

“And how do you plan to get into your room?”

 

“With my ID- oh.” 

 

She was waving his ID card at him, a smile on her face.  She scanned it and opened the door for him.  He trudged past her, head lowered in embarrassment.  He headed straight for the bed and collapsed onto it, face-first. 

 

“I’ll get you a glass of water,” she said, following him inside.

 

“Thank you,” he said, voice muffled by his pillow. 

 

She went into the ensuite (Erebor wasn’t the nicest of halls, but at least everyone had their own bathroom, unlike in Mordor where you’d be lucky to have your own sink, let alone a whole shower!) and found a Hawkeye mug, which she smiled fondly over for a moment, before filling it with water from the sink.

 

She returned to the main room to find that he was still horizontal on the bed. She placed the mug on his bedside table along with his ID card. She spotted him peaking up at her, and knelt down bedside him “You okay now?”

 

“If I say yes, you’ll leave.”

 

“That is true, but as your Mother said, you cannot keep me all to yourself.”

 

“May I see you again, my Lady, my North Star?”

 

Tauriel thought this over. “I don’t even know your name.” She could have checked the ID card for it, but it hadn’t seemed appropriate. 

 

“Kili,” he provided immediately, holding out a hand for her to shake.  “I’d say at your service, but.  Well,” he said, gesturing to his position at large.  She chuckled and took his hand in hers.

 

“I’m Tauriel,” she answered.

 

“Tauriel,” he repeated in wonder. “A beautiful name for a beautiful lady.”  An involuntary blush came over her face.

 

“Th-thank you,” she managed. “That’s the first time anyone’s ever complimented my name.”

 

“A horrendous oversight on their part.”

 

She couldn’t come up with a response to that, so simply smiled.

 

“I should be going.”

  
  
“Farewell, fair lady Tauriel,” he murmured, nuzzling into his pillow. Smiling fondly, she stood and left, closing the door gently behind her.

 

* 

 

Kili woke up with a killer hang over and a night he was slowly recalling behind him.  Fili wasn’t in the room and it didn’t appear as though he had returned at all since they left together the night before.  As he lifted the mug of water by his bed for a much needed drink, he noticed a slip of paper stuck to the bottom from the moisture. He carefully plucked it from the damp porcelain and unfolded it.  On it was a phone number and a simple note.

 

_Call me.  We can get coffee to nurse your hangover. Tauriel._

**Author's Note:**

> I have no plans to turn this into a series, but if you like it and would like that to happen, the Canadian might just do that =)
> 
> They have my full support on the matter ^^
> 
> (I told you guys I'd turn her into Figrid Shipper! Didn't I? Mwahahahahahahaha!)


End file.
